First Post

Intro

I'm a 42 y.o. Divorced Father of 3 of the most wonderful boys on earth. They bring me so much joy and its difficult to describe. I'm just trying to be the best dad I can, but why write this?

Writing and sharing can be healing if its used properly. This blog is not to bash or call people out. Its about getting what's inside out. No matter how much you prepare and think your ready, sometimes you still make make mistakes the knock you on your rear.

I'm approaching the 1 year mark of my divorce and and I've learned quite a bit. There will be ups and downs and you have to deal with them in a rational manner. You will make mistakes, learn from them and do not repeat them again.

Looking back, I've made quite a few.

Problems of the past don't go away

Your problems of the past with your ex don't go away. One of my dear friends told me this before I was divorced. They said don't think a divorce will make them go away. Get divorced because its the best thing for YOU and your kids.

This is so unbelievable true. In fact, they may actually get worse. Be civil but don't be so nice that it impacts all other aspects of your life and become so frustrated that getting up everyday becomes a chore. Life goes on and you must LIVE!! It took me a year to finally start to realize this. Now I begin.

Ready to date.... Think again!

I think it was about 5-6 months when I ventured out on my first date with someone I had not met. Wow I had fun. Then the reality sets in and my mind started racing. I started looking at all the negatives and comparing it to my past. Long story short there wasn't a date number 2.

I starting getting down on myself and lost my confidence and let myself go both mentally and physically. I didn't let it discourage me and about a month later went on another date. This time I spent some time getting to know the person first and had another great time. We hung out for about a month and then bam.... I hit the wall again. Fear set in, but this time I pushed some dear friends away.

I'm just thankful those friends didn't give up on me and yes we are still friends today.

Then most recently it happened again. Why?? I ask myself why. I waited several more months. I had been reading up on relationships. I felt ready this time I got this.

Then it dawned on me. What had I been reading and what advice had I been given? Had I been following the advice. NO!!!

Here are some very important tips for those coming out of divorce and looking to date and you think your in a stable relationship. These will kill you!!

Don't and I repeat don't discuss your problems with your ex to the person your dating. Flip the tables. Do you want to hear all the time about the persons ex? Once you do, you now have brought that person into the mess. It has to be difficult enough dating someone with 3 kids and recently divorced so don't do it.

I learned that I need to deal with these problems so I don't bring them into my next relationship. They told me this in the divorcing parents seminar and I didn't listen. Its one of the main reason why a first serious relationship fails after a divorce.

Don't be a wuss. I still try to help my ex and take her crap and that is just an unattractive quality. You are basically telling the person you want to date, your ex still comes first. No one wants that. You have to set boundaries. I thought I was doing it for my kids, In reality I was not. I was only getting irritated and cause problems for myself which ultimately cause issues in any future relationship. Yes, the same person who told me about my problems not going away told me this. Did I listen, yes. Did I learn, no!! I understand that now.

Lastly, remember no one can provide you happiness but yourself. If that's what your looking for you won't find it. Thankfully, I had already gotten over this one.

Conclusion

Hey we all make mistakes and in life and I have made a ton of them. Don't dwell on them, learn from them!! And lastly in the words of my late father "Don't sweat shit you can't control"

I'm going to try and update this once a week so come back. And no they won't all be about relationships. This is just the subject of my first one. I hope to post some of my fun adventures with my kids and other things that I want to get off my chest.